But yes I did mess up…tragically. Well this relationship didn’t last long, I refused to give him what he wanted and he left me for it. But often I think to myself, ‘What would have happened if I did have sex with him?’ and I guarantee you, our relationship would have ended sooner than it did. Well the classy son of gun broke up with me the day after Valentines when he told me he loved me. I’m nowhere near heartbroken. God didn't have to protect my heart, because I was smart enough not to let him into a place he didn't deserve. Now that I go back and really take a good long look, that relationship was founded on outward signs of affection. PDA (Public Display of affection) the one thing in relationship I cannot stand but yet my relationship with this man was full of it.
Let me just say ladies, any man that makes you: lower your standards, forces you to do things that you don’t want/like doing, and challenges your moral integrity is SO not worth it! And gentlemen if you ever put in a place where you do that to your girlfriends, not only does she have a right to walk away from that relationship, you need to redirect yourself and where your heart is. For all of you ladies who are looking for biblical help but don’t want to actually open the bible I would recommend the book, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian. In case you can’t afford this $14.99 book, you should open the bible and read the book of Proverbs (it’s located in the Old Testament). Proverbs chapter 7 warns young men about an adulterous woman. For example Proverbs 7:21-22 “With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter like a deer stepping into a noose.”
God warns men to watch out for these woman but terrible things will happen, for example, she will lead you down to your doom. Wonderful. Men if leading to your doom doesn’t keep you away, and all you want to do is ‘get some’ you really need to rethink how relationships are supposed to work. And women, God is telling you who you should not be; he can’t make the choice for you. God openly says that you should not act like this and if you do, this is what will happen to you. If your relationships never last and leave you empty, that’s your own fault, God warned you. It’s weird that some girls chose to live like this because they are afraid. Yes it is fear that corrupts them. They are worried that their life isn’t complete without a man attached to their arm. They are unable to remember who there were as individuals before Mr. Perfect came along. I know what it’s like, because I’ve almost been there.
I wanted a guy because I thought that I would be better off. I trusted man with my most valuable treasure…my heart. But surprise men hurt my heart, damaged it and left it broken in the dust. However, it is NOT entirely man’s fault. I was irrational, self-centered, and foolish. I thought I knew what I wanted when the truth of the matter was, I was way off target. Like Mary Kassian said about relationships. “You will never get your behavior toward men or your relationships right UNTIL you FIRST get your heart right before God” (Kassian, 33). Your relationships will always miss there marks UNTIL you FIRST are right before God. Kassian says that you can try to have all the best relationships in the world but first comes first, and the bible says that God must come first.
The funny thing about God is, the more we push him away the more he longs for us, to heal us. I had pushed everyone away, and I kept to myself. While others (including myself) had given up on me, God didn’t. Every day he would ask to be in my heart, to repair my heartbreak, and he isn’t like man who would leave me, he is God who would love me no matter what we have done. But I refused. It wasn’t until I heard him through a lesson about freedom when I finally let my walls down. God did exactly what he promised to do, and immediately he replaced my heart with his, one that long for him, one that was pure again.
Proverbs 31 explains what a treasured woman is. “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31: 25-26) “A Girl-Gone-Wise is concerned about keeping the inner, hidden parts of her life just as pure as the outer, visible ones” (Kassian, 179). I won’t lie; I still struggle to stay pure. It’s a struggle I have to face because of the mistakes of the past, and I most likely will continue fighting the urges of sexual pleasure until the day I’m married. However I have made huge changes in my life. My heart is facing the right direction; God is flourishing in my heart. My heart doesn’t long for the touch of man, it longs for the touch of God. I know that I am worthy of a man made and sent by God, but my heart isn’t ready just yet. God is still working through my life. I put God first and now my life seems to be on track. Sure, I’ll need patients and maybe I’m not supposed to get married but my heart has to stay on a reserve for God. If that’s the case, then I have already found my perfect match.
It’s been almost a year sense I’ve held myself to sexual purity. I have put God first, and I have promised a year to just God in my heart. I redefining myself, my relationships with my best friends, my relationships with my family and most importantly, my relationship with God will be set in stone. “A Girl-Gone-Wise knows that no man on the face of earth could ever fill the God-shaped vacuum in her heart. She doesn't depend on men for her sense of self. She delights in the Lord and depends on Him to give her the desires of her heart” (Kassian, 182).
I am right there with you if you too struggle with the same issues. However, if you are trapped in this vicious cycle there is a way out. God won’t hurt you the way man has; I promise my all God will never try to harm you. He loves you unconditionally, and no matter what he will always been here, even if you don’t think he is. Remember, I still mess up; I may slip up with my sexual purity. But no matter what God will always help me through…all you have to do is ask.
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