There is something seriously in my life that I am lacking. Lately there’s been so much drama in a lot of lives where I live; it’s like a growing volcano. And one little thing can cause so much chaos, however, today was not that day but we came super close. It was bad, makes me just sit a wonder what will happen when it finally erupts. I’m worried about what happens when it does. Some many people have been caught in drama’s terrible trap that one wrong move can do more damage that anyone can imagine. I hate to say it but it is getting to me. Last night was a perfect example, but for everyone sakes I’ll spare you the details. But it finally got to the point where I was sobbing in my bed and unable to breathe without monitoring it myself.
Drama was not the reason for my crying, in fact if I wasn’t dealing with other things, I most likely wouldn’t have cried. But that was the tip of my volcano, and I couldn’t get it to stop. One thing that did majorly calm me down was my night prayer. Every night before bed I say a prayer. I pray for my friends and family, thanking God for their blessings in my life. I pray for the people that hurt me that they understand that I don’t hold them at fault anymore. I pray for the arrival of my Lord to return. And finally (and most important (well…to me)) I pray for the strength to deny myself the following day. I always tell God I mess up but every day I’m trying a little harder. In the book of Luke, Jesus said to a crowd of people that “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).
But what does denying yourself have anything to do with Drama? Well first what does denying yourself mean? No guesses? Well what is denying? According to the dictionary on my computer, denying means 1) to say something is not true and 2) refuse request. Biblically when Jesus talks about denying ourselves we are to refuse who we are (and not identically). An example I love listening to gossip, but when Jesus calls me to deny myself, I deny listening to gossip, and I refuse the urge to listen to it. So when I was sobbing my eyes out, I understood I was taken in by the struggles of this world, I cried out (literally) to God asking him to help me take away the suffering. When I chose to cry out for help, I denied myself, I refused to be upset about the drama that happened.
I’m not sure if my roommate was in the room when this happened, because she would have heard my prayer. Throughout all the crying and sniffling, I still managed to pray for my love ones, my friends and family, the people that hurt me and the arrival of Christ still managed to be in my prayer. The moment I asked God to take away my worry, fear, anxiety, and pain he did. But I did still feel alone, so I ask God to come and surround me to make me feel warm and safe. It’s a sad day when a bunch of all girl school drama makes you fear for your own safety. Makes you wonder what really happens in our schools.
Every time I ask God to help me to deny myself, it means I’m willing to change your life towards the direction of God. Doing things that glorify God and everything that he has done for us. When I came crawling to God last night, people might think weak. ‘Look at her! She’s crawling back to a God who physically can’t do anything to help her.’ First off God has done more to help me physically than man has ever been able to do. And Second, to man my crawling to God may have been seen as weak, but to God, it’s the strongest choice that I was able to make. Crawling to God isn’t easy, nor is living for him; it wasn’t supposed to be easy. But the moment you are safely in his arms, nothing of this world or even of the realms could hurt you. When you crawl to the most powerful creator of all time, and he accepts you, that is no way shape or form, weakness.
Every time I ask God to help me deny myself, I am asking for help when it comes to drama issues. Slowly I figured out that the more control that you give over to God, the more of your life you have control of. When you give him your stress, fear and all that junk, you’re left with joy, hope and peace (I haven’t had a stress pimple in ages!). I know it’s hard; it’s hard to just surrender everything to someone that you can’t see. As people we like to be in control over our lives, it’s one of the few things that most of us can have control over. Every day I struggle with the issue of control, it’s not supposed to be easy. Slowly when I did surrender control to God I did it piece by piece. At first I didn’t see major difference and I was really more skeptical than anything else. It wasn’t until I fully trusted God, my faith was burning hot, my soul craved for him did I surrender 100% and believe it or not but at the time when I did surrender my 100% it was one of my darkest times.
The fact that I was still praying to God surprises me even today. I wanted nothing to do with him. I had lost everything that mattered to me and I didn’t feel anything anymore. But it wasn’t necessarily a cry for help, all I said was “God if you want what’s left of me, please be my guest.” I wasn’t being sarcastic or skeptical I was being truthful and I did (somehow) open my heart up, because a part of me wanted to better. God must have delighted in me when I said that because that was the most faith that I had in him and myself in the longest time. The suffering didn’t end right away; I still had to work hard at cleaning up the mess I had gotten myself into. But I felt protected from everything, including myself.
When I told God, “Please be my guest” that was me verbally saying to God take control. He was able to lift me out of the areas in my life that I had gotten myself into that I couldn’t get out myself. I was able to relax and breathe before I faced life again. Denying myself is the same as giving God control. Both things are hard, but both can really help you with drama control and when life places a mountain in front of you. 1Timothy 4:10 says, “This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.”
Stay strong in your faith my friends! Remember that our war isn’t of flesh and blood but of power and internal struggles. Never lose faith, because although the outcome seems hopeless, in this war we are already declared victorious. John 16:33 Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” God Bless.
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