Secret Twelve: About Secrets.

Secret Twelve: About Secrets

"The flower is a weed in a garden, if you don’t uproot the whole thing at once, the seed will continue to flourish stealing the nutrients and killing the pretty flowers that grow around it."

            Don’t feel left out…I got really confused when God gave me this title. Well, to be honest with you my friends, I wasn’t confused at all. I know exactly what God is telling me. First let me break it down for you: We all have secrets right? Secrets, by definition, are things we hide at the risk of feeling exposed, vulnerable and humiliated by others. Not all secrets are bad, like I know what I got my mother for Christmas. That isn’t that kind of secret I’m talking about. I’m talking about the secrets that weigh us down, that keep us from experiencing joy or even freedom. Secrets have this unique ability to control us in a very, very negative way. I speak from personal experience when I say, the more we try to hide a secret, the more that secret ends up controlling our lives. We don’t want people to see what we have to hide, that leads to fear. The fear that someone will somehow find out what are little secret is, leads to us doing everything we can in our power to make sure that no one finds out: that’s called control. Secrets are normally things we are ashamed about. 

So we can call this cycle: Shame --->Fear--->Control. And this is a very, very deadly cycle.

            I heard a quote from this thing I’m currently going through called Healing Stream where they cleverly said, “Guilt will come and go with whatever you do but Shame comes and stays.” Shame is a constant reminder of your faults or it can be something you did or others have said about you and sometimes it can be a mixture of all three. Let’s take the example of an eating disorder. Often time, people who suffer from an eating disorder will say things like, “I’m working out,” “I’m trying to eat less.” But as time goes on and the outward effects are starting to show, they become afraid. Often times they say they aren’t feeling well, or they begin to suffer from bulimia. Where is the shame? Who told you that one girl that she was fat? The seed of shame was planted. She feared she was fat from whoever told her and she became afraid that this is how people see her, Fear. So what did she do? She took control, she stopped eating, worked out excessively, made excuses: Control. You can deal with the fear and the control but if the shame isn’t uprooted, the problem isn’t solved.

            Another way of viewing the cycle of Shame, Fear, and Control is like a dandelion. Shame = the Seed. Fear and Control are what hides the seed = dirt. When that girl was told that she was fat, shame was planted. Then maybe someone else said something along the lines of, “You looked like you’ve gained weight” or “You’ve put on some pounds.” That watered the seed. That water can be viewed as ungodly beliefs. Lie = water. Then the seed starts to grow. The flower is a weed in a garden, if you don’t uproot the whole thing at once, the seed will continue to flourish stealing the nutrients and killing the pretty flowers that grow around it.

            No fear my friends, there is help! While we all have secrets, we don’t have to let them control our lives. God already knows these secrets and I know that he doesn’t want us to suffer from them. Secrets can only be secrets if we hide them, but let me be the first to tell you this, you are not the first one to walk on the path that you are fighting through, I promise. Some of you come from super bad situations, some of us have/had eating disorders, some have had other more serious or less serious issues, but these secrets are causing the pretty flowers in your heart to die, and they will become the center of your focus. I know how hard it is to confess a secret, I know what someone has to battle through in order to let the guard down and let someone know what’s going on. But please listen to me friends, the moment the secret is exposed, the moment when you reach out for help that is the moment when God moves.

            Freedom is not a distant dream; we are not forced to hold on to shame even though we have been told to do so. Psalms 18:16-19 “He [God] reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.” While I may not have the answer to solving all the shame seeds that have been planted I will tell you this that I know is truth. A shameful secret will keep you prisoner, but telling someone and getting help (whatever that may be) is the first step to having freedom. And yes my friends, shame will often try to say that you shouldn’t need help or that you can get out of this on your own, but don’t listen, you’ll be surprised how common shame is destroyed once you pull the whole weed up!

I’m still praying for you my brothers and sisters, Keep strong!

God Bless