Secret Thirteen: You are NOT a Disappointment

            I don’t care what you've been told throughout your entire childhood, adolescent life, or even now; you are in NO WAY a disappointment. And I only need one truth to counteract all the lies that have said that you were/are a disappointment: You are created in the image and likeness of God, because of that truth, your life has purpose. God doesn't make disappointments: God made you: so mathematically speaking, you are NOT a disappointment. You may not know this my friends, but God made each and every one of us out of love. God loves us so much that we can’t even begin to grasp the idea of just how much He loves us. But it’s human nature that we’re used to. As humans we hurt each other, we kill, we lie and we steal. Why? It’s human nature. In order to bring ourselves up, others must come down. But also God has give humans (specially) the gift of free will and choice. Animals do not have free will. This is the truth that separates us from them. That means, humans have a choice to act this way. Free will was a gift from God to prove His love for us. It’s like God took time and hand crafted each one of us. But as humans we fail and we fall.

            As some of you may know, I’m a psychology major. And in psychology, especially counseling practices, we have learned that changing the person will never happen if you do not address the behavior attached to it. When one of my students or even friends does something that I find inappropriate or unacceptable, I let them know, the more I let them know, the higher chance of me never seeing that kind of behavior again. This is called consequence. Negative behavior = negative consequence: Positive behavior = positive consequence. Still confused?  Look at it this way, a four year old says a bad word; you have to explain how that word is unacceptable to say (addressing the behavior). Then you put the child in time-out (negative consequence). Over time, the child may realize that, ‘When I say this word, I get a time-out.’ And that will lead to the stopping of that behavior. Now let’s look at it in a positive way. Four year old helps set the table without being asked, (positive behavior). The mother says, ‘Thank you so much! You are so helpful.’ (Addressing the behavior). Then the child may get an extra treat, or even more praise from mom and dad (positive consequence). The child learns that the behavior is accepted; over time the child will continue to repeat this behavior. This is how most therapist and counselors practice, it’s much easier to change a behavior. Behaviors can be disappointments, but not the people who do them.

            I always write my secrets with the help of my own personal experience, I have walked this path my friends. I used to think that I was a disappointment. This feeling of lack of self-wroth led to reckless behavior. And because the people around me reinforced the fact that it was ME that was a disappointment and not my behavior, I thought to myself “Well why the f**k try?” My own disappointment led me to do stupid things; things that stole more and more of my self-worth away. It was a vicious cycle that almost left me for dead because I had compared the value of my own life against my self-worth. At this time, I no longer had a reason to keep living.

            If you want to know what weakness looked like, my friends, you should have seen me at this time. I had let that disappointment lie consume me into almost taking my own life, but like I said before and will continue to say, GOD DOESN’T MAKE DISAPPOINTMENTS!! And He will do everything He can (without taking away free will) to make sure that you know that you are not a disappointment. The moment I started listening to God, the more I realized I was given as a gift to the world for a purpose. Before I was born, God had breathed meaning into my life. God has even reminded me multiple times, “Through you, Arielle, I will do great things!” Powerful, powerful words my friends!

            My favorite comedian, Brad Stine, once said, “When the creator of matter [God] tells you, ‘YOU MATTER!’ then you will have purpose…” Wise words from a funny man. Think about it for a second, the creator of the world and the king over everything looks down from heaven, His perfection, and says to you, “I have crated you for Me; I formed you in your mother’s womb for Me, I knew and CALLED you by name before you were born!” God took the time to know and love us before we were CREATED! Now think, if you were truly a disappointment do you think God would take the time to call you by name? To love you? To create you?

            I have friends that have been called ‘uh-oh’ babies. And if there is one thing that really gets under my skin and can get me to stand on my soap box, it’s when people call children, mistakes. That is the ultimate (to me) form of calling someone a disappointment, and it sicken me. Children that weren’t planned, born out of wedlock, or we can go so far as to even say, handicapped will ALWAYS be miracles regardless of the behavior or situation that led to their creation. God still created them, He still plans great things for their lives, He still loves them. GOD DOESN’T MAKE MISTAKES: GOD DOESN’T MAKE DISAPPOINTMENTS!! AND CERTAINLY GOD DOESN’T MAKE ‘UH-OH’ BABIES!! When God created you He put: Priceless, on your tag, because you are so valuable to Him, it’s like you are His treasure. You are so incredibly valuable He willing sent His own perfect son, Jesus, to die on the cross for you so that when you die, you get to be with Him. Jesus was even grateful for doing it; we went from being called slaves, to friends.  

            How powerful is that my friends? We went from slaves to friends, what a jump! I will always say this, my friends, but it’s the truth. You are not a disappointment! If you don’t believe me its fine, but take it up to God, ask Him. I know 100% He loves you so much, more than you will ever know!

God Bless my friends!

Secret Twelve: About Secrets.

Secret Twelve: About Secrets

"The flower is a weed in a garden, if you don’t uproot the whole thing at once, the seed will continue to flourish stealing the nutrients and killing the pretty flowers that grow around it."

            Don’t feel left out…I got really confused when God gave me this title. Well, to be honest with you my friends, I wasn’t confused at all. I know exactly what God is telling me. First let me break it down for you: We all have secrets right? Secrets, by definition, are things we hide at the risk of feeling exposed, vulnerable and humiliated by others. Not all secrets are bad, like I know what I got my mother for Christmas. That isn’t that kind of secret I’m talking about. I’m talking about the secrets that weigh us down, that keep us from experiencing joy or even freedom. Secrets have this unique ability to control us in a very, very negative way. I speak from personal experience when I say, the more we try to hide a secret, the more that secret ends up controlling our lives. We don’t want people to see what we have to hide, that leads to fear. The fear that someone will somehow find out what are little secret is, leads to us doing everything we can in our power to make sure that no one finds out: that’s called control. Secrets are normally things we are ashamed about. 

So we can call this cycle: Shame --->Fear--->Control. And this is a very, very deadly cycle.

            I heard a quote from this thing I’m currently going through called Healing Stream where they cleverly said, “Guilt will come and go with whatever you do but Shame comes and stays.” Shame is a constant reminder of your faults or it can be something you did or others have said about you and sometimes it can be a mixture of all three. Let’s take the example of an eating disorder. Often time, people who suffer from an eating disorder will say things like, “I’m working out,” “I’m trying to eat less.” But as time goes on and the outward effects are starting to show, they become afraid. Often times they say they aren’t feeling well, or they begin to suffer from bulimia. Where is the shame? Who told you that one girl that she was fat? The seed of shame was planted. She feared she was fat from whoever told her and she became afraid that this is how people see her, Fear. So what did she do? She took control, she stopped eating, worked out excessively, made excuses: Control. You can deal with the fear and the control but if the shame isn’t uprooted, the problem isn’t solved.

            Another way of viewing the cycle of Shame, Fear, and Control is like a dandelion. Shame = the Seed. Fear and Control are what hides the seed = dirt. When that girl was told that she was fat, shame was planted. Then maybe someone else said something along the lines of, “You looked like you’ve gained weight” or “You’ve put on some pounds.” That watered the seed. That water can be viewed as ungodly beliefs. Lie = water. Then the seed starts to grow. The flower is a weed in a garden, if you don’t uproot the whole thing at once, the seed will continue to flourish stealing the nutrients and killing the pretty flowers that grow around it.

            No fear my friends, there is help! While we all have secrets, we don’t have to let them control our lives. God already knows these secrets and I know that he doesn’t want us to suffer from them. Secrets can only be secrets if we hide them, but let me be the first to tell you this, you are not the first one to walk on the path that you are fighting through, I promise. Some of you come from super bad situations, some of us have/had eating disorders, some have had other more serious or less serious issues, but these secrets are causing the pretty flowers in your heart to die, and they will become the center of your focus. I know how hard it is to confess a secret, I know what someone has to battle through in order to let the guard down and let someone know what’s going on. But please listen to me friends, the moment the secret is exposed, the moment when you reach out for help that is the moment when God moves.

            Freedom is not a distant dream; we are not forced to hold on to shame even though we have been told to do so. Psalms 18:16-19 “He [God] reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.” While I may not have the answer to solving all the shame seeds that have been planted I will tell you this that I know is truth. A shameful secret will keep you prisoner, but telling someone and getting help (whatever that may be) is the first step to having freedom. And yes my friends, shame will often try to say that you shouldn’t need help or that you can get out of this on your own, but don’t listen, you’ll be surprised how common shame is destroyed once you pull the whole weed up!

I’m still praying for you my brothers and sisters, Keep strong!

God Bless

Secret Eleven: I Can Hear God.

         GASP! That's right ladies and gentlemen! I can hear God. But don't be so shocked and surprised at me, I have nothing super special about me where I can hear our Creator's voice. God has already called out to each and everyone of us, but get this to some of us...IT'S NOT EVEN A VOICE! Yeah, while some can hear the voice of God, others 'hear it' in a different way. Confused yet? Let me give you an example; While sometimes I can hear the voice of God, I'm more of a visual person. Being visual is how I learn, study and read 90% of the time. God understands that this is how I listen the best, so instead of hearing the voice of God, I can see visions he's given me. And before you think I'm a nut-case or a crazy listen up. God has called each and everyone of us some way, some how. You may have not heard the voice, but God can be present in a situation, vision or dream, in a word someone has given to you, even while your reading your bible.
         I don't know about you, but a long time ago I used to not share my visions with other people. Mostly because I knew that they would think I was crazy. But, and trust me on this one friends, the more I dive in and read the word of God, the more I see how God doesn't call Kings and Queens or Political figures or heroes that wear underwear on the outside of there pants, He doesn't want those people. God wants to prove how strong and powerful he is by choosing those who are the 'weakest' or 'unfit' in society. Just look at the people that he's chosen. Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper issue, David slept with someone who wasn't his wife, Noah had a drinking problem, Jonah turned his back on God, Paul murderer the first Christians, Miriam loved to gossip, Gideon was insecure, Thomas doubted, Elijah was depressed, Moses had a speech issue, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was as old as dirt, and good garden party...LAZARUS WAS DEAD!
        God called these people to do incredible things and they were considered normal, every day people. God will call you, in a way that you will be able to hear him. But here is the thing my friends, God can be shouting at the top of his lungs, sending sign after sign your way, telling you the things that will come to pass if you don't listen to him and we can still ignore him. That's the thing that breaks my heart, God can literally lay everything we ever needed, wanted or thought we couldn't have in front of us and we just get up and walk away from it. When Jesus walked the Earth, friends, he showed us how we could have it all, Jesus called us to follow him. When he died on the cross, bore our punishment, God literally handed us eternal life. Why? Because he loves us, as simple as that. God's already given us everything and some of us choose to silence his voice, to walk away from it all.
       God's voice is one of love and forgiveness. He wants an active relationship with us, that's why he wants to speak with us. It's hard to maintain a relationship if there is no communication isn't it. It's the back and forth, "How was your day?" and "Tell me more." It makes the relationship have depth and trust. Some people tell me that they can't put there trust in something they can't see, that God doesn't speak to them. My next question for these people with these questions is..."How often do you pray to God?" When they tell me that they pray all the time my follow up question is, "Tell me the truth." Yes, talking to God is a step-by-step thing, and sometime God doesn't give you want you want. There was a time when I asked God for a TV, when I didn't get it I got mad at him. Then I realized that a TV would cut my already sad prayer life to nothing. Why would God give me something that would take me away from him.
        Just slow down and listen friends, pray that God opens your hearts, your minds and maybe your ears to the Holy Spirit. Ask God to come and work through you and show you things that he wants you to see. Pray always on every occasion my friends. Pray that God keep safety and protection over you, and that every evil thought or demon doesn't get in the way or mixed up with what God has in store for you.
God Bless my friends!