Secret Seventeen: Human Nature

            I was reading some of my more recent blogs and I noticed I talk a lot about human nature. But I say a lot of negative things. Is that really all human nature is? We lie, we cheat and we steal and hurt each other. Everyone knows that there is way more to us than that. I apologies for making us humans sound so bad because there is a whole different side to us. We feel love, compassion, and kindness. We are brave, curious and playful at times. We challenge ourselves to go above and beyond to where the sky is the limit on what we can and cannot do. We have made systems and machines to make our day-to-day lives easier. We humans, if I may say so myself, are pretty smart homo-sapiens. And even the stiff that we makes us…us is so well crafted so well, we can’t even explain how it all comes together. From DNA that is perfectly strung in out throughout our whole being, to the different personalities that makes us who we are we are perfectly divine creatures.

            It’s incredible to look at us and think…our entire being is complexly made, everything to our DNA to parts of our personalities, it makes me think…who had time to make us like this? It breaks my heart when a girl looks into the mirror and things to herself ‘why do I look so ugly?’ Does she not know that she was beautifully made? Well if she doesn’t, it’s our job to tell her. Humans have our own nature…animals are all clumped into one. Humans are made in the image and likeness of God, we are the divine creation. But as humans, we forget that sometimes, I am no exception. I had forgotten that I was made divinely and wonderfully. I had let the lies that I was ugly, fat, stupid, and second rate get into my head and rip me apart from the inside out. It was emotionally and spiritually destroyed. Thankfully our father, the Divine Creator, says otherwise. We are made, each, with the fingerprint of God on our hearts, meaning we are his children. <- that right there…FANTASTIC NEWS! Every fiber to the talents and abilities that set each of us apart was hand crafted for each of us.

My reminder that I am made by God

            I decided that enough was enough. I wanted to believe in the human nature that is encouraging and wonderful, so I got rid of the lies. It’s been a challenge trying to get rid of the lies, I needed a constant reminder. I tried, racking my brain, to figure out the best kind of reminder to help get me through this. But let me tell you friends…My memory sucks. I kept falling back into the lies and it was a vicious cycle that I couldn’t stop. So I tried one last thing…I got a tattoo. My tattoo is in my left inner arm and the words ‘Divinely Made’ is written beautifully. It’s the first of my three tattoos that you can see. Everyday this tattoo does exactly what it’s supposed to do. When I look at it in the mirror I am reminded everyday that I am divinely made.

            We are incredibly made my friend. It took a lot of detailed work into make me…me and you, well, you. God made human nature to be our greatest nature. We are made in the image and likeness of God. We can love and be compassionate and curious. Remember that we are beautiful creatures in the eyes of the creator of Heaven. My prayer for you, my friends, is that you are reminded everyday that you’re a wonderful creation of God. 

Secret Sixteen: I’m Not That Different

I'm Not That Different...just goofy!

            Well there is a shocker there. I’m not that different for any other person. I like to sleep more than I like to study, I love to hang out with my friends and spend time with my family. And sometimes if I’m not careful, I’ll put deodorant marks on my shirt when I put it on. I’m not that different, but that also means that as a human I also have dark secrets. Secrets that I’m required to keep to myself because I fear them, just like anyone else. But, like I’ve written before, secrets keep us shackled. And the more I’ve uncovered these secrets to the outer world, the more I realized…I’m really not that different. Other people go through the same kinds of problems and face the same kind of mountains. We keep secrets that we feel are so disturbing it causes us to become mad about what people think about us. Some of you know some of my more…public secrets. Like the fact that I’ve had sex outside of marriage and how I feel like that was the worst mistake of my life. Another secret that some of you may know is that I hate latex for no outright reason. But if I want to be super honest with you guys and I really want to believe in what my Blog is about I need to share with you something new, something (for some reason) has me chained down…my darkest secret.

            If it isn’t scary enough that I’m about to tell you my deepest darkest secret but I’m also telling you what I’m doing about it, you know, to not let it take over my life. In November of 2012 I tried doing the dumbest thing I could…I tried to kill myself. Yeah, I know. Kind of a lot to take in, but it’s the truth. I had reached a moment in my life where I thought I couldn’t escape. A dark place where I thought was nothing else to live for. I was (or what I thought) betrayed by friends, alone, struggling with issues that I thought no one else has ever dealt with. Thankfully, however, I couldn’t go through with it and I went to find help. I was admitted into a hospital for about six days where I found out that my life is pretty good. Some of the people in that wing with me had real issues. Addicted to substances and alcohol, anger and emotional issues that left them unable to function in society, some people had lost everything and couldn’t see the light anymore. I came to the realization…I don’t belong here.

            After that I was diagnosed with ‘manic’ depression. Meaning I’m usually in a really down-in-the-dumps mood and it’s really hard for me to get out of it. Sometimes my depression can get so bad that I start seeing and hearing things that isn’t there. It’s scary stuff and thankfully I’m on medication that helps me fight against my depression. It took a while for me to accept the fact that depression is my new reality…my new normal. It was a fight to take my medication everyday and find things that make me happy. However, the more I looked at my problems the more I discovered, depression is common. I did some research on it and it turns out…everyone get’s depressed at one time or another. It’s our ability to bounce back that make us so special. I just didn’t have the ability to bounce back, but for the first time in a while, I felt normal. As I kept researching about depression I realized that we all face different battles and mountains, but some of our struggles (a lot of them actually) are similar.

            This is where my spirituality comes into play. Look at it this way, God is the creator; he is the one that made everything. He is the one that holds all the original ‘creative ideas’ and it’s through him where our creativity comes from. The devil isn’t God; he can’t think of a creative ideas, nothing about the devil is original. So when we battle issues, there is bound to be someone out there that has gone through the same thing. The devil can’t be original meaning that no matter how lonely we feel there are others fighting the same battle. That’s great news! “The greatest lie you have ever been told is that you’re the only one to go through this alone.” – Superchick. God is creative, that’s why when we experience him, and it’s in a way that no one else can feel. It’s just for us; it’s all about our relationship with him…very personal.

            I’m no different by any means, I struggle like most people, I have issues that I need to deal with and I come face to face with mountains that I sometimes think are too big to climb over. But the thing that really helps me get through this is that the God of heavens and earth will look down at me and bless me with love and grace. I’m not that different friends, I guarantee most of you have faced the same struggles that got me into the hospital and you were able to do something that I couldn’t at that moment in time, fight back.

            Let me pray for you friends, that when you come to those points in your life when it seems too hard to go on or it seems hopeless that you will find comfort in the God who what’s to give you everything. I pray that you are able to fight against the devil and his lies that he may tell you and that you are a beautiful and wonderful creation to the Father of Heaven.